Whirlwind of Experiences

I was checking out my own profile on Facebook editing and what not; I came to the "About Me" section and realized that I have started 2 blogs that I have been terrible at keeping current. It is now 2015 over 2 years since my last post and things have changed drastically.

One huge thing is that I am a senior at Northern Illinois University working on my bachelors degree in Special Education.I have had so many great experiences in my educational journey and have not regretted a single moment. I have loved all the students I've had the chance to meet and teach. I have found a new love for what I want to do and am more motivated than ever to complete my education.

Second, my son is now a 7 year old! He just entered 2nd grade! It is so crazy how fast kids grow up. I wish he could stay my little baby boy forever because it is so much easier. He is still a little menace but with more words and ramblings in his repertoire. I love him more every day because I can see his personality and some of the things that make him tick. It is absolutely mesmerizing to take a step back and see what, why, and how he does things.

The last notable thing that has happened is that I found a love that I've never had before. Something that has no end and no real beginning for that matter. I gave my whole heart away on a whim knowing that anything that might have been lasting was not even an option. It is hard to think that as a single mom you will never be able to do or act in any way that you want. You have no choice not to be a mother and that may scare people. Everyone tells me that I will find someone who will understand and who will love us both, but its really hard to think of that possibility. This one was special and way different than what I've experienced in the past. Even though my heart is crushed I have known this great feeling with or without it being returned. I have learned so much from this and I am glad that I've known how this feels- true, unconditional, unapologetic love. I may never find it again, but I'm so happy it was with someone like him.

So... that is my current life in a nutshell. Things have changed drastically and I'm glad with all the ups and downs I am still pushing along and defeating my obstacles. Maybe this time I will plan to write posts so I can document the next few years better.

BIG NEWS!!!!

So my last few posts have been about school and I will continue to publish more about it because it is such a big part of my life. With that said here is my news.

First of all I got my approved financial aid for this summer, fall, and spring semesters and it doesn't look like I have to pay any money out of my pocket. YAY! I was a little surprised that they paid for the class I am taking this summer to help boost my graduation date up. I am glad and thankful for that and the sooner I get to graduate the closer i get to be done and able to find a job.

Next.. I am officially VICE PRESIDENT for the Rho Kappa Chapter of Phi Theta Kappa! I am so excited and blessed to have this opportunity to inspire the people around me to believe they can commit to college and go somewhere in life. My position doesn't officially start until June 15th, but I am super excited to get into it all.

My little man has been a menace as usually. Typical little boy things like sticking things in his mouth, making messes, testing my patience, not listening, running away, and wanting to do everything opposite of what I would like him to do. This little man keeps getting up so early it is driving me crazy! Does anyone have any idea how to remedy this problem? I have tried putting him to bed early, putting him to bed late, not letting him nap, checking his bowel movements, sticking to a strict routine, and just letting him fall asleep on his own. Nothing is working, his pediatrician recommended that I observe his bowel movements to see if it might be a stomach problem; its not. Now my only option I can think of is getting a sleep study done. This morning he actually got up at 3:30am and just went to play at around 4:30am I picked him up, shut off all the lights and laid with him in hopes he would sleep. By 5:45am he was still awake so I turned on the television and laid down with him to sleep (we have to be up at 7am for school). To say the least I am exhausted, when he got home from school he even fought me on his nap! This kid must have insomnia or what because I am dying of lack of sleep, every morning he gets up between 4am and 5am no later.

On a Side note:
June 14th and 15th we (Rho Kappa) will be staying overnight on our campus to support the American Cancer Society through a Relay For Life event. We are sending the message that we care about the well-being of our community and are committed to saving lives by partnering with the world’s largest fight for more birthdays! Please help me reach my goal of $150 to help my team CLICK HERE.

Plans for the Summer

Since the beginning of this year it has felt like more things are settling into place and it is so exciting. I have made some plans for this summer and I hope they all work out. Unfortunately my Great Grandmother is not doing so well so I have decided that this will be the year we visit, no matter what. I have saved a little cash and will be able to give Julian a great party as well as go on a little road trip.

Some minor details that might get in the way is the fact that both Julian and I will be attending summer school and will have to find a way to fit in a little getaway. I'm excited to be on this path with the end nearing to a new beginning.

I have very high hopes to be where I want to be very soon. Plans are coming into place for the very first time, which makes me a bit hesitant. I am not saying it has been easy or that the stress is not over bearing but I wish it could just lighten up a bit. This year has brought my 25th birthday already and my siblings' birthdays and soon  my son's. It is all overwhelming and I hope I continue to have the strength to continue what I started. I know I start to crumble when there are people who do not comply with the parenting mode and ignore the responsibility it requires, but intend to fix that situation one way or another. How do you make someone believe that they need to take care of a life other than their own?

Life Happens

So it has been almost a year since  have posted anything and there is a good reason. Mostly school has kept me busy as well as the little monkey boy. I still have the same problems and they seem to accumulate but I am pushing forward. On to the new things:

I have joined an international honors society for 2 year colleges called Phi Theta Kappa. I am so excited to be part of such a great group and have been an active member. So active in fact that I just submitted my application to be the new Vice President next semester. Crazy right? I barely have time for myself and I am piling on the responsibilities.

Next as you guys should know that July is quickly approaching where Julian will be 5 years old! I am truly amazed at how fast he has grown and where he is in his development. More news about him is that since he will be the big 5 he will be attending Kindergarten next year and will be in a general education class with an assistant. He also received a digital voice output device to help him communicate (so exciting) and will have it for the rest of this year and for all of his Kindergarten year.

Finally, drum roll please.. I'm glad to announce that I will have my associates degree by the end of Spring 2014!!! Wahooo! Graduating in a year has really put everything into perspective and now that little man will be in school full time hopefully I can be too!

I'm not crossing my fingers for an easy time because I know that would never happen but I am for sure glad that my life is getting somewhere.. What next? Probably Disney for Julian when I graduate!

Guess who is turning 4!

The birthday boy is on his was to having another wonderful birthday bash. I always over do it because it's just him and I. So I get out the trust address book and invite the whole family. Like most years his party is after his actual birthday so he will have two celebrations. Since it's the summer we have sprinklers set up, a bounce house, and ball pit. The kids stay active as the adults relax and graze. The last party I started a new tradition of easier foods. I serve chicken ceasar, turkey club wraps; a wide selection of cut up fresh fruit and veggies. Simple yet satisfying! We are hispanic and we usually have.to set out a spread you would find at a banquet. To save costs I convinced my mother this was the best way and we could have arroz con pollo in the back. Of course I have to supply the goods to the hispanic side.

Anyway, his theme this year is Curious George! One of his most favorite TV shows. I have the decorations, and all the supplies. But money is tight and it's hard to afford such a huge party so I'm debating on making my own cake and saving myself $45. I have to make it rather large and I'm nervous about my decorating ability. Is there any easy way to decorate your own cake without buying the little toys or decals for the cake?

Right now were are 9 days away from the big party so I hope I can deliver the best party for him.

Fears

When you are a mother your fears are for your child. You hope they are well and grow to become an outstanding person. You worry about the smallest things. Like when you have to stop fast and you put your hand out in from of them in the car, like it makes a difference. From infant to adult the worry never ends. We are afraid of what they might think of us, if we are raising them the right way, if we have them enough common sense to do the right things, the list goes on.

When do we stop to realize our own worries, the ones for ourselves?

I have repeatedly asked myself what am I'm most fearful about, besides my child's health and well being. The answer is of being alone.

I have had my fair share of relationships and they do not always work out. I put my heart and soul to find what the balance is. When do I have feelings, when do I turn them off? When should I trust? What should or shouldn't I believe. I have spent several hours wondering why is this person with me if they never give me their time. Do I give up way too much? I never get anything in return; no honestY, loyalty, or trust. What am I doing that is so wrong not to deserve any of this? Why am I even expecting any of this. In my heart I want to believe that there is an actual person who will help me realize that I'm worth all the effort.

I just feel like its taking too long, and that time may never come.

Summer!

So school is ending for the semester (me)/year (Julian). I'm excited yet hesitant. I love what summer brings- hot, sunny days and long carefree evenings; but I'm not living in this fantasy world. My summer will consist of watching kids that aren't mine and a plethora of stressful situations all mothers encounter. But my hopes are high, after a complete fail of previous plans. I wanted to do some summer school so I can hurry and move on and hopefully graduate at a decent date. Due to child care, that isn't possible. So plans have done a 180 and I will focus more on having fun with Julian and staying out of the house as much as possible!

Already, I have a trip planned to Indiana to visit family for a birthday party. I love being able to visit family that we don't necessarily get to see and hang out with. I want Julian's life to be filled with family as my childhood was. I think it brings out the best in people. Even though we all might not get along all the time, at least we know that we care for each other.

I want us to also visit my Great Grandma in Arkansas so she can meet her great, great grandson. I think this will be a great experience. I just hope my budget will give me some leniency.

This summer will be filled with beach, water park, park, zoo, and other places visits. I'm excited to fill this summer with happiness rather than frustration and boredom!