Relationships and the Single Mother

What is the right way to date as a single mother? I haven't been looking for anyone particularly serious but if it does turn serious what happens next?

For my policy, I hardly ever have them meet my child until I think we are ready. If you can't working with me to get together than they are definitely not going to cut it. Next, if they do have that privilege absolutely no PDA!! I will not have my child see me kiss a million guys before I meet Mr. Right. After those few rules, 2 to be exact, I don't know what else. Obviously if they are going to be in our lives than treating my child with respect and kindness is a must, if you can't treat him that way you are done. If you can't respect my wishes as a parent than you do not deserve to be a part of our lives.

I have definitely been thinking about this a lot. I always go back and forth on it. Maybe I make it more difficult than it should be. But I don't want to end up in a situation that isn't best for both of us.

Health

When you have a child, you think about their safety, well being and health. But what is health? You think that you want them to be healthy, but to what standard? I have not thought about this for a long time, I figure just roll with the punches. But this isn't the case. You are supposed to make sure that you can handle anything, even medically.

Since my son has been diagnosed with Down Syndrome, we have been to hospitals, doctors, clinics and everywhere to make sure his health is in good condition. We have had x-rays, echocardiograms, ultrasounds, eating studies, you name it we have most likely been there and done that. Just a few days a go he got tubes put in his ears to help the fluid drain and improve his hearing. This is his second set and I'm sure not the last. I think about his health all the time, ask myself questions on if I'm doing this right, what happens if his rest results come back with something.. Any little thing down to the clothes and shoes he wears. As a typical mother, I'm sure this is true to everyone. One thing we had to do before he went to surgery was get approval from his pediatrician. When we went in for that appointment I figured it would be a standard  check up, as we done many times before, so I wasn't worried. But when I asked about a red area next to his privates she asked if he was circumcised, in which I replied with a yes... Then her with a hmmph.. First thought here.. What's wrong?! She said it was nothing just that his urethra was partially covered with skin indicating that either there wasn't enough skin taken off or a botched job. Now I'm freaking out! How didn't I notice  this? I thought it looked normal! Should I have been investigating it every time I changed his diaper?? She then assured me everything will be ok but to get a second opinion from a specialist, a pediatric urologist, from children's memorial. She then told me he was good to go for surgery and to wait until he was better to go see the specialist.

So what do I do now? I have made plans to do it next week and it's all I can think about. I have told my mother about this and she was mortified. He is almost 4 and might have to get another circumcision! She thinks that this is going to scar him for life, and maybe it will. I don't know. On the other hand I have had someone tell me to due the doctor who did the circumcision in the first place. Does he have a point? Does this not happen? I'm so confused...

On the other hand I have a tentative appointment for myself to check on my cervix if the cells have grown or not. I haven't talked much about this but, I was diagnose with HPV right after I had my son and it still is a scary situation. But now I have so many medical problems on my mind. How do I cope with it all?

Family Holidays

Since tomorrow is Easter I have been thinking about the holidays I had when I was a kid. There was always lots of family, fun and of course good. Now that I have a child of my own everything has seemed to change. We don't get together as often and it's such a hassle to get plans in order. I've always wanted the same holiday experience for my little one, but it's really hard when the rest of my family doesn't want to get involved.

I know he won't remember these first few years but I fear if I slack then later on it won't get better and he won't have all those great memories. Having a child without the spirit of imagination of the wonderful fairy tails we tell them is tragic. I want him to hope for better things and not just think that this is it in life.

Instilling imagination and hope in a child should be a priority.. Don't you think so?

Its been a long time..

I was just reminded recently that I have a blog.. Wow.. I'm am so bad at this. Well some updates since my last post...

Julian

He is finally walking! He started his first year in the Early Childhood Education program in the school district and started walking after the first month! I'm so proud of all the success he has had in school. He does great and the teachers are great. He is saying more and makes sounds close to what the word should be. He isn't the easiest child to care for either, this one has found not only his voice, but temper. He seems to be in those terrible twos.. But he is so smart and big now. He will be 4 this summer and I can't believe how time has flown by. I miss the little nugget I used to have.. but this one isn't too bad either, he is cuddly and somewhat independent. Its just his recent attitude I have been disliking.

Myself
I have started another semester at school, finally down to the last 11 classes towards my Associates degree. I'm proud I have made it thus far but it is very draining. I still bite my tongue and nothing has really changed in my home life. Earlier this year I had my heart set on moving out but, of course things happen and I cant. So school (and of course Julian) has been my main focus. If I just finish I can get a job and try to make me happy. I have been in a rut for the last 4 years and I think its my time to get some kind of good luck.

My thoughts have been all over the place. I have met some new people and created new relationships and I'm glad I have. New eyes on life is something I appreciate, you never know who thinks what until you really sit down and talk about it. I cant say that I'm truly happy but you never know, these paths may take me there. I have recently come across a person who has made me give them some advice i should take myself. This was my little bit of advice "sometimes you have to sacrifice everything to make you realize that you are worth more than what you are holding on to". I was so surprise of myself for saying it out loud, i have been one to sacrifice everything and still don't know where that has led me. Do I think that sacrificing everything will lead me to success? I don't really know, but i may be doing it to hurt myself more. I don't really know.. but anyway I was asked a question, one I definitely don't have the answer to.. What do I need for a mental time out? .. Any suggestions? Because I cant think of a thing!