Well, I wasnt completely aware of what this diagnosis exactly meant and for years have done research on what Down Syndrome is and how its developed in all these years etc... Here is what I found out so far online..
Medicaly known as Trisomy 21, it is a chromosomal condition caused by the presence of all or part of an extra 21st chromosome. It is named after John Langdon Down, the British physician who described the syndrome in 1866. Down syndrome was identified as a chromosome 21 trisomy by Dr. Jérôme Lejeune in 1959. Down syndrome in a fetus can be identified through amniocentesis during pregnancy, or in a baby at birth.
Down syndrome is a chromosomal condition characterized by the presence of an extra copy of genetic material on the 21st chromosome. The effects and extent of the extra copy vary greatly among people, depending on genetic history, and pure chance. The incidence of Down syndrome is estimated at 1 per 733 births, although it is statistically more common with older parents (both mothers and fathers) due to increased mutagenic exposures upon some older parents' reproductive cells.
Often Down syndrome is associated with some impairment of cognitive ability and physical growth, and a particular set of facial characteristics. Individuals with Down syndrome tend to have a lower-than-average cognitive ability, often ranging from mild to moderate disabilities. Many children with Down Syndrome who have received family support, enrichment therapies, and tutoring have been known to graduate from high school and college, and enjoy employment in the work force. The average IQ of children with Down syndrome is around 50, compared to normal children with an IQ of 100. A small number have a severe to high degree of intellectual disability.
Individuals with Down syndrome may have some or all of the following physical characteristics: an abnormally small chin, an unusually round face, protruding or oversized tongue, an almond shape to the eyes caused by an epicanthic fold of the eyelid, upslanting separation between the upper and lower eyelids, shorter limbs, a single instead of a double crease across one or both palms, poor muscle tone, and a larger than normal space between the big and second toes.
Health concerns for individuals with Down syndrome include a higher risk for congenital heart defects, gastroesophageal reflux disease, recurrent ear infections that may lead to hearing loss, obstructive sleep apnea, and thyroid dysfunctions.
After reading all this information it began to scare me that there might be bigger problems ahead. I was given a referal to a book I read called Babies with Down Syndrome: A new parent's guide. It really gave me the inspiration and the knowledge I needed to give my best care for my son. We signed up for a program called Early Intervention and he started to get developmental, occupational, and physical therapies to help him develop in the ways that he should. He started the program in December 2008 and ended in July 2011. He is ding much better, still not where we want him to be but he is working hard on getting there.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Friday, July 29, 2011
The Results
When I went in for his 2 week appointment he was growing and healthy but there were some signs that the doctor couldn't over look. He wasn't breastfeeding well and had to be supplemented with formula, his forehead seemed a little large and he had a long line going across his palm (a sign of down syndrome). She wanted to check his blood and thought that this would help figure out what it was. I was terrified, wasn't I too young for this to happen? How am I going to afford his care? How am I going to go through life with a child who has a disability? Am I ready for all this? I still love my baby no matter what! I was a new mom and wasn't ready for this curve ball. After going to the lab and getting his blood taken (which wasn't fun) I had to wait a little longer than a week for results. I couldn't believe he was positive for Trisomy 21. I was devastated, I cried that entire day. I felt as if this were a joke that someone was messing with me. All the evidence was there and I had to suck it up and be strong for him. Right after that news we had to go out and visit different doctors and get him all checked out and ready to take the next steps.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Up or Down
After the birth of my amazing little man things seemed to be good with the baby daddy but I had this gut feeling. I cant really explain what it was but all I knew was I felt really nervous with him around. Maybe it was the fact that I haven't seen him for months and so he was a complete stranger to me or what. So that night he stayed with us at the hospital and everything on the surface was great. We got to go home the next day which was exciting. I love hospitals and wish I could have stayed but it was nice to go home and not have a lot of people around. Its a mistake to say that because the wedding was just 2 days before and everyone was still there. But it wasn't bad, I got a little company and everyone love the sight of a new baby.
The next week my parents went on their honeymoon... I'm a 20year old first time mom and was going to be home alone for 2 weeks! It was a hectic time and I was worried. Luckily the baby daddy offered to help (I was surprised to say the least) but I still had that queasy feeling while he was around. But they said that my Grandma would stay with me for a week too so I was only going to be alone for a few days. Good for me we had friends near by to help if I needed it. The day came where my parents left and I was home alone with baby daddy.
It was the first night when it happened. I got really nervous, I haven't been alone with him and my child without anyone else around so I asked him to leave the room after I put the baby in his crib. I told him I was feeling uneasy and it would help if he just left the room for a bit. He refused. I kicked in to mom mode so fast, I just jumped up and stood in front of the crib and told him to again please leave, he refused again and I grabbed my phone. I told him please don't make me call the cops and have you escorted out. A little harsh but I was doing a back bend over the crib he was so close to me and I was truly frightened. He then grabbed my arm and took my phone and then I used as much of my weight I could to shove him off. He refused to leave my room and was now refusing to leave the house. I was so worried it might escalate into something horrifying so I picked up my baby and remembered that the house phone was in the basement. The second he turned his back I rushed down 2 flights of stairs to get to the basement. I realized then all the numbers were in my phone but I was so glad that the phone was in the office where I could use the computer. I finally got in contact with someone and they came as soon as they could. I was shivering and crying as baby daddy was banging on the locked door, I told him someone was coming to help me and that he is only hurting the baby by having me stressed out. After 30 minutes I didn't hear anything, I wanted to unlock the door but felt he was still there waiting for me. Until I heard a familiar voice and knew it was safe to leave. My dad's friend came to my rescue and told him to leave the house otherwise the cops would be involved. He then came inside to lock all the window and secure the doors just in case he was going to do something stupid. I felt a little better but I sure didn't want to be alone anymore. There was no one to stay with me so I toughened up and braved the loneliness.
I was so happy my baby was safe and wasn't looking forward to the return of the baby daddy.
The next week my parents went on their honeymoon... I'm a 20year old first time mom and was going to be home alone for 2 weeks! It was a hectic time and I was worried. Luckily the baby daddy offered to help (I was surprised to say the least) but I still had that queasy feeling while he was around. But they said that my Grandma would stay with me for a week too so I was only going to be alone for a few days. Good for me we had friends near by to help if I needed it. The day came where my parents left and I was home alone with baby daddy.
It was the first night when it happened. I got really nervous, I haven't been alone with him and my child without anyone else around so I asked him to leave the room after I put the baby in his crib. I told him I was feeling uneasy and it would help if he just left the room for a bit. He refused. I kicked in to mom mode so fast, I just jumped up and stood in front of the crib and told him to again please leave, he refused again and I grabbed my phone. I told him please don't make me call the cops and have you escorted out. A little harsh but I was doing a back bend over the crib he was so close to me and I was truly frightened. He then grabbed my arm and took my phone and then I used as much of my weight I could to shove him off. He refused to leave my room and was now refusing to leave the house. I was so worried it might escalate into something horrifying so I picked up my baby and remembered that the house phone was in the basement. The second he turned his back I rushed down 2 flights of stairs to get to the basement. I realized then all the numbers were in my phone but I was so glad that the phone was in the office where I could use the computer. I finally got in contact with someone and they came as soon as they could. I was shivering and crying as baby daddy was banging on the locked door, I told him someone was coming to help me and that he is only hurting the baby by having me stressed out. After 30 minutes I didn't hear anything, I wanted to unlock the door but felt he was still there waiting for me. Until I heard a familiar voice and knew it was safe to leave. My dad's friend came to my rescue and told him to leave the house otherwise the cops would be involved. He then came inside to lock all the window and secure the doors just in case he was going to do something stupid. I felt a little better but I sure didn't want to be alone anymore. There was no one to stay with me so I toughened up and braved the loneliness.
I was so happy my baby was safe and wasn't looking forward to the return of the baby daddy.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Wedding day and Birthday
On the day of the wedding July 4th, 2008 I was getting ready like you usually would for a wedding but everyone told me to sit down and relax so I was basically the last to get ready. I even had someone else put my shoes on for me. We were leaving the hotel where we stayed for the night and I was feeling fine, no pains just tightness around my belly. That was normal, I guessed, because I was thin before I was pregnant so my skin needs to stretch out. Anyway, we got to the venue and made sure everything was ok inside and made sure no one saw the bride (my mom) When the ceremony started I was hurting again, of course I was the first to go up and take my place standing by the "altar" (we weren't at a church), then all the other girls proceeded after me and stood in line next to me. Being 8 months pregnant wearing a slight heal in the beating sun, not good, and the cramps were starting again and I thought I was in for a long ceremony. Finally, the bride came down the aisle, as I watched her all I kept thinking is I want to sit. The officiant started talking and did his thing but before then I do's my parents set up another part of the ceremony to combine our families. A sand ceremony then continued, where we all chose a color of sand to represent one another, my mom and new father poured there simultaneously and then oldest to youngest: myself, my sister, step-brother, my brother, and step sister. Yeah, I know we are the freakin Brady Bunch! The only kids left out were our 3 Pugs, full house huh? Hahaha... onwards.
When the ceremonies were finally over (so I thought) they told me it was time for pictures. I was about ready to take this belly off so I could feel better but I, unfortunately, couldn't do that. So we did what it felt like hours of photographs. Dying of heat and pain it was finally over and we had to walk back to the venue. At this point someone was holding my hand and my shoes so I wouldn't fall over. We did our welcoming party into the reception room and for the first time in 4 hours (maybe more) I got to sit. My best friend was there and he got to sit with me at my table. I was happy for that because he had moved to Puerto Rico a year before and I haven't gotten to see him. So he could tell I wasn't feeling well and there was a buzzing in the crowd that I was going to have the baby any minute. Even when I went to the bathroom people would be standing outside of the door asking if I was alright. I was, except for all the cramping in my belly! So the night went forward and I did my toast and reassured everyone I wasn't having the baby that night and to celebrate my parent's wedding.
The party ended early (well for my family at least) and at around 11:30 we packed up my car and I was ready to go home and take my brother and sister. Since it was their wedding night they stayed at a hotel, I thought that was a great idea because our house was packed with guests. On the way home we stopped at McDonald's (hehehe yes! I was prego!). I ordered fries, an apple pie, and drink for myself and apple pies for the kids. It was late I was exhausted so eating wasn't on my mind but I figured something was better than nothing. When we got home I was not up for getting the things from my trunk, we planned on doing it in the morning (bad idea). We all went up to bed and since the house was full my brother slept on my room floor and my sister slept in my bed. I couldn't sleep very well that night. Kept getting up and going to the bathroom because it felt like I had to pee but couldn't. So I went down stairs got some water and tried to make myself comfortable. It was impossible.
So around 4am I finally called my doctor's office to ask if I should come in to see him, I was having pains and they were about 3-1 minute apart and I wasn't due until another month. He advised me to go to the hospital. Oh shit, what the hell is going to happen is what crossed my mind. I tried calling my parents and guess what, they never checked in to the hotel they told me they were staying at! I called the people who they could be with... no answer. I was freaking out. But then I got it in my mind that this was just going to be a false alarm. I grabbed my purse, a pair of underwear (don't ask why), my insurance card (which was already in my wallet), car keys and left a note. I told my siblings and all the other people that were in the house that I went to the hospital and to not worry I well let them know if anything happens. I got to the ER around 5am, checked in and they took me fairly quickly. I explained to them the situation and answered a million other questions. Then they told me to change into the gown and check my progress. It turns out I was already 3cm dilated and there was no chance for me to leave the hospital, I was having the baby that morning. I was franticly calling around trying to find my parents and tell them. I couldn’t find them, not until it was already 8am! I was in the hospital by myself, going to have a baby and nobody knew. At round 7am I called the baby's father, just because I didn’t want to give birth alone. I had no overnight bag and absolutely no support, I didn’t even finish the birthing class I was taking. I was scared, and relief all at the same time.
When I found them, they stayed at a different hotel but their friend's knew where they were, I let them know what was going on and to let them know, I called them again and made sure they were on their way. Since they had no car and no clothes (except for the wedding attire) they had to take a taxi to our house and get dressed in something else. They didn’t get to the hospital till 9:30am (which was pretty fast) finally after the stress of going through that I was progressing through my labor. I started getting intense contractions and they hurt like no other pain I’ve ever felt. I was cranky too and kept yelling at baby daddy to leave me along and stop touching me, I only wanted my mom. So In this delivery room were my mom, new dad and baby daddy. At around 9:45 they said I was only 8 1/2cm. I yelled and said there are half’s! WTF! I said I was ready and they said not yet, after 5 minutes I asked for medication and they said it was too late! I was so frustrated because of the pain I wanted to quit. They checked me again and said I was ready, push. I pushed so hard I felt light headed and when I tried to get a breath they told me to keep pushing. I could feel everything! It was then I knew that this was the worst pain in my life. His head was out and then the shoulders and the rest of the body felt like it just fell out. Fewwhh.. It was over! Or so I though, my new son made me tear and so I had to get a few stitches. God damn you think they would just be careful after all that but no, I felt that needle and said "damn it, what the hell are you doing?!?!?!" and the doctor gave me the nastiest look. It’s funny as I think of it now but I was truly pissed off.
Seeing my wonderful little boy was the best remedy to all the other drama. It was such a crazy time but finally he was here.
Birthday of Julian Louis (little monkey boy) July 5th 2008. 10:13am 5lb 14oz 18.5in
When the ceremonies were finally over (so I thought) they told me it was time for pictures. I was about ready to take this belly off so I could feel better but I, unfortunately, couldn't do that. So we did what it felt like hours of photographs. Dying of heat and pain it was finally over and we had to walk back to the venue. At this point someone was holding my hand and my shoes so I wouldn't fall over. We did our welcoming party into the reception room and for the first time in 4 hours (maybe more) I got to sit. My best friend was there and he got to sit with me at my table. I was happy for that because he had moved to Puerto Rico a year before and I haven't gotten to see him. So he could tell I wasn't feeling well and there was a buzzing in the crowd that I was going to have the baby any minute. Even when I went to the bathroom people would be standing outside of the door asking if I was alright. I was, except for all the cramping in my belly! So the night went forward and I did my toast and reassured everyone I wasn't having the baby that night and to celebrate my parent's wedding.
The party ended early (well for my family at least) and at around 11:30 we packed up my car and I was ready to go home and take my brother and sister. Since it was their wedding night they stayed at a hotel, I thought that was a great idea because our house was packed with guests. On the way home we stopped at McDonald's (hehehe yes! I was prego!). I ordered fries, an apple pie, and drink for myself and apple pies for the kids. It was late I was exhausted so eating wasn't on my mind but I figured something was better than nothing. When we got home I was not up for getting the things from my trunk, we planned on doing it in the morning (bad idea). We all went up to bed and since the house was full my brother slept on my room floor and my sister slept in my bed. I couldn't sleep very well that night. Kept getting up and going to the bathroom because it felt like I had to pee but couldn't. So I went down stairs got some water and tried to make myself comfortable. It was impossible.
So around 4am I finally called my doctor's office to ask if I should come in to see him, I was having pains and they were about 3-1 minute apart and I wasn't due until another month. He advised me to go to the hospital. Oh shit, what the hell is going to happen is what crossed my mind. I tried calling my parents and guess what, they never checked in to the hotel they told me they were staying at! I called the people who they could be with... no answer. I was freaking out. But then I got it in my mind that this was just going to be a false alarm. I grabbed my purse, a pair of underwear (don't ask why), my insurance card (which was already in my wallet), car keys and left a note. I told my siblings and all the other people that were in the house that I went to the hospital and to not worry I well let them know if anything happens. I got to the ER around 5am, checked in and they took me fairly quickly. I explained to them the situation and answered a million other questions. Then they told me to change into the gown and check my progress. It turns out I was already 3cm dilated and there was no chance for me to leave the hospital, I was having the baby that morning. I was franticly calling around trying to find my parents and tell them. I couldn’t find them, not until it was already 8am! I was in the hospital by myself, going to have a baby and nobody knew. At round 7am I called the baby's father, just because I didn’t want to give birth alone. I had no overnight bag and absolutely no support, I didn’t even finish the birthing class I was taking. I was scared, and relief all at the same time.
When I found them, they stayed at a different hotel but their friend's knew where they were, I let them know what was going on and to let them know, I called them again and made sure they were on their way. Since they had no car and no clothes (except for the wedding attire) they had to take a taxi to our house and get dressed in something else. They didn’t get to the hospital till 9:30am (which was pretty fast) finally after the stress of going through that I was progressing through my labor. I started getting intense contractions and they hurt like no other pain I’ve ever felt. I was cranky too and kept yelling at baby daddy to leave me along and stop touching me, I only wanted my mom. So In this delivery room were my mom, new dad and baby daddy. At around 9:45 they said I was only 8 1/2cm. I yelled and said there are half’s! WTF! I said I was ready and they said not yet, after 5 minutes I asked for medication and they said it was too late! I was so frustrated because of the pain I wanted to quit. They checked me again and said I was ready, push. I pushed so hard I felt light headed and when I tried to get a breath they told me to keep pushing. I could feel everything! It was then I knew that this was the worst pain in my life. His head was out and then the shoulders and the rest of the body felt like it just fell out. Fewwhh.. It was over! Or so I though, my new son made me tear and so I had to get a few stitches. God damn you think they would just be careful after all that but no, I felt that needle and said "damn it, what the hell are you doing?!?!?!" and the doctor gave me the nastiest look. It’s funny as I think of it now but I was truly pissed off.
Seeing my wonderful little boy was the best remedy to all the other drama. It was such a crazy time but finally he was here.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Continuing the Pregancy
So I had all these different stresses and situations going on and yet I wasnt afraid to continue. My "boyfriend" didnt pull a reappearing act until 7 months pregnant and asked if the baby was ok and still on track. Here is where it went wrong, I thought he had changed and of course I was so wrong. I saw pictures posted of him partying with people all over popular websites. Not what I wanted to see for things to work out.. but I had to focus on my mom's wedding and work. I was all set to leave work June 30th but I stayed until July 2nd so my boss would have time to find my replacement. He knew a month before that but he was really busy. I didnt really mind, I loved my job at that moment. I still wish I couldve stayed. So the wedding was on the 4th of July and it was an extremely busy day. That night I woke up a few times with pains in my stomach but I just ignored it thinking it was gas/braxton hicks... come on now I had a month left of my pregnany there was no way I was having him so soon.
Monday, July 18, 2011
The Guy
I know in my last post I left in short notice but it was late and I was tired. Writing when your are tired was complicated so I left it. Now that my thoughts are gathered here is what happened.
A few weeks after we met and I gave him my number, he called. At the time I was fresh out of a relationship and wasn't really ready to get into another one, but I liked this guy and started just to hang out with him. So we went on a few outings and had some fun. One thing that I realized was his drinking, since his whole family did it he thought it was the only way to have fun at parties and such. I know what you are thinking the pot calling the kettle black, but I was sobering up and didn't want to get into it again. I was finally getting happy with my life and where I was at. Just graduated with things to figure out and further my education. He promised that we didn't have to go through that and was a little better at drinking with me in toe. So everything got happy again and we had lots of fun together. I also realize now, that I made some choices during this relationship that weren't the greatest. I started skipping school and hanging out with him more and working a lot. I altogether quit going to school and just started working full time with the promotion I received. A year had passed and we were doing great except he quit school before I did and he then lost his job and wasn't working. Now to my surprise everything was well except now I was paying to go out (which I didn't mind) and his parents were paying for everything else of his! This annoyed me, I was paying for everything myself at this point in my life, my parents only gave me a house to say in. I was shocked of the special treatment he got. Anyway, I had saved a lot of money and told him my plan. There were 2 choices: 1. Break up and move to Atlanta, GA and go to school there, or 2. we move in together and take our relationship to the next level. Well that didn't go so well. He was not ready to leave the nest and I wasn't sure if I could do this moving thing on my own. So after a few weeks of debating I broke up with him.
The next night he was at my door step crying, that he will change and we could make this work if I gave him a second chance. Well like a dummy I believed him and took him back only to get pregnant a few months later. Now we were together for about a year and a half and being pregnant wasn't the easiest thing to get over. We decided to keep the baby but since we couldn't handle and disabilities I told him if any tests come positive we are putting it up for adoption. Not because we didn't want it but because we weren't ready to deal with a baby let alone one with special needs. Tests all came back prefect and my due date was August 3rd. At that point he stayed around for about 2 months, then disappeared. He couldn't handle my hormones and thought it would be better just to leave me alone. Well I cried every night wishing that everything would work it self out. I didn't want to be like my parents and have a broken family.
During this time my mom and her fiance were planning to get married July 4th. I was my mother's maid of honor so I had a lot of duties. I was working full time still, saving for this baby. My mom was getting married and I haven't heard from my "boyfriend" or if he got a job. I was way in over my head and stressed out!
To be continued...
A few weeks after we met and I gave him my number, he called. At the time I was fresh out of a relationship and wasn't really ready to get into another one, but I liked this guy and started just to hang out with him. So we went on a few outings and had some fun. One thing that I realized was his drinking, since his whole family did it he thought it was the only way to have fun at parties and such. I know what you are thinking the pot calling the kettle black, but I was sobering up and didn't want to get into it again. I was finally getting happy with my life and where I was at. Just graduated with things to figure out and further my education. He promised that we didn't have to go through that and was a little better at drinking with me in toe. So everything got happy again and we had lots of fun together. I also realize now, that I made some choices during this relationship that weren't the greatest. I started skipping school and hanging out with him more and working a lot. I altogether quit going to school and just started working full time with the promotion I received. A year had passed and we were doing great except he quit school before I did and he then lost his job and wasn't working. Now to my surprise everything was well except now I was paying to go out (which I didn't mind) and his parents were paying for everything else of his! This annoyed me, I was paying for everything myself at this point in my life, my parents only gave me a house to say in. I was shocked of the special treatment he got. Anyway, I had saved a lot of money and told him my plan. There were 2 choices: 1. Break up and move to Atlanta, GA and go to school there, or 2. we move in together and take our relationship to the next level. Well that didn't go so well. He was not ready to leave the nest and I wasn't sure if I could do this moving thing on my own. So after a few weeks of debating I broke up with him.
The next night he was at my door step crying, that he will change and we could make this work if I gave him a second chance. Well like a dummy I believed him and took him back only to get pregnant a few months later. Now we were together for about a year and a half and being pregnant wasn't the easiest thing to get over. We decided to keep the baby but since we couldn't handle and disabilities I told him if any tests come positive we are putting it up for adoption. Not because we didn't want it but because we weren't ready to deal with a baby let alone one with special needs. Tests all came back prefect and my due date was August 3rd. At that point he stayed around for about 2 months, then disappeared. He couldn't handle my hormones and thought it would be better just to leave me alone. Well I cried every night wishing that everything would work it self out. I didn't want to be like my parents and have a broken family.
During this time my mom and her fiance were planning to get married July 4th. I was my mother's maid of honor so I had a lot of duties. I was working full time still, saving for this baby. My mom was getting married and I haven't heard from my "boyfriend" or if he got a job. I was way in over my head and stressed out!
To be continued...
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Where it all began Part 2
Wondering were I went? Well.. I went to my mother's house. This situation was easier to deal with then with my father. A year after their divorce I found out everything, some true and some probably false. One thing that was for sure was that my mother who was the one who found someone else, who didnt want to be a family anymore. Now I know the true reasons for that, but then I was heart broken that she felt like that and would do that to us so at the time she was the worst person (in my eyes). I lived with her through out high school and still to this day. I met and started to get to know the new guy who I'll become to love and call my father.
Now, Im going to leave out all the minor details of high school because for now we have a focus on how my little monkey boy came along.
After I graduated in 2006 I met the guy who will be the father of my son. My mom worked as an Account Exec for a bank and was hosting a party at a place called Gameworks and he was working there at the time. He caught my eye and we talked for a bit but at the time he had a girl friend. Even after finding that out I gave him my number hoping one day he'll call.
Now, Im going to leave out all the minor details of high school because for now we have a focus on how my little monkey boy came along.
After I graduated in 2006 I met the guy who will be the father of my son. My mom worked as an Account Exec for a bank and was hosting a party at a place called Gameworks and he was working there at the time. He caught my eye and we talked for a bit but at the time he had a girl friend. Even after finding that out I gave him my number hoping one day he'll call.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Where it all began Part 1
So getting this blog started has been a chore, trying to figure out what I want it to look like isn't working.. if you have any suggestions please comment!
Now, lets start the information train.. Woooot wooooot...
Where I started in life isn't the best and to show you why that is i will start with my siblings. I was 6years old when my sister was born and she wasn't a healthy baby she had a diaphragmatic hernia which was her rib cage not closing properly and all her insides jumbled up. She was rushed to Children's Memorial and had many surgeries. She now has a lung and a half and an 8-10inch scar on the left side of her belly which she is self conscious about. Since all that happened i was the typical jealous child who got left behind and resented her birth... When she was 2months away from being 6years old by brother was born. Yes, now my parents had a prodigal son and we were both left behind. But i wanted a brother so I wasn't too upset about it. When he was 2-3years old our parents were always fighting and disruptive. One day near Thanksgiving my mother told me they were getting a divorce. Boom.. the big D wold that put children in a panic, i immediately started saying sorry for being mean to my sister, that I wouldn't complain and that I would be good. The water works started and was pleading that everything would be okay. But she refused and then it all started.
I was about 13 at the time and in 6th grade and started acting out. I got suspended for kicking a boy in the balls (in self defense!) and I wasn't even on school property! My father was absent, spending his days playing video games while we ran amuck in the house destroying everything and being kids. I always complained that we were hungry and he need to take care of us and he would either ignore me or get up and yell at me saying I was just like my mother and would slap me around a bit. I knew he was upset, but there were 3 kids here who needed to be taken care of aswell. So I did what anyother person would do and womaned up. I started making dinner, making sure we were all in bed, ready for school, getting to school on time (which never happened). The school would even call my house to see why we were late every single day, not that our phone actually worked. While he was ignoring us he also ignored the bills, laundry, and the household tasks. Who do you think picked up that slack?? I did.. I made sure our laundry was done and the house was descent and the bills... I didnt do but when the electricity turned off, he noticed because his computer wasnt working and when the hot water didnt work he finally paid that bill. We were a sad sight, but I tried to be the best big sister I could. I was in the end of 6th grade when I first smoked some weed and was hooked for about 5 years straight and I had my first taste of hard liquor in 7th grade and was hooked for 3 years. I would come home wasted, way past curfew and no one noticed. After about 3 and a half years I got tired of being the mother, I came home one day and my father started yelling at me for reasons I do not remember. He got up in my face, I was used to this he did it almost regularly, but this time it was different. He pushed me to the ground and punched me in my chest yelling at the top of his lungs then he got up and started kicking me in my stomach and calling me the horrible names. This was it for me, when he walked away I got up, wiped the years from my face and went to my room locked my door and started packing. My sister and brother came inside from playing and found me with my bags packed and was asking what happend. I told them I was so sorry that I couldnt do this anymore and left them there. I got on the bus with my backpack and pillow and broke down thinking why did he do this to me. He never layed a hand on my siblings only on me.
To this day I wonder and I havent been able to look at him the same. I have no relationship with him and I never will, nor will my son.
Now, lets start the information train.. Woooot wooooot...
Where I started in life isn't the best and to show you why that is i will start with my siblings. I was 6years old when my sister was born and she wasn't a healthy baby she had a diaphragmatic hernia which was her rib cage not closing properly and all her insides jumbled up. She was rushed to Children's Memorial and had many surgeries. She now has a lung and a half and an 8-10inch scar on the left side of her belly which she is self conscious about. Since all that happened i was the typical jealous child who got left behind and resented her birth... When she was 2months away from being 6years old by brother was born. Yes, now my parents had a prodigal son and we were both left behind. But i wanted a brother so I wasn't too upset about it. When he was 2-3years old our parents were always fighting and disruptive. One day near Thanksgiving my mother told me they were getting a divorce. Boom.. the big D wold that put children in a panic, i immediately started saying sorry for being mean to my sister, that I wouldn't complain and that I would be good. The water works started and was pleading that everything would be okay. But she refused and then it all started.
I was about 13 at the time and in 6th grade and started acting out. I got suspended for kicking a boy in the balls (in self defense!) and I wasn't even on school property! My father was absent, spending his days playing video games while we ran amuck in the house destroying everything and being kids. I always complained that we were hungry and he need to take care of us and he would either ignore me or get up and yell at me saying I was just like my mother and would slap me around a bit. I knew he was upset, but there were 3 kids here who needed to be taken care of aswell. So I did what anyother person would do and womaned up. I started making dinner, making sure we were all in bed, ready for school, getting to school on time (which never happened). The school would even call my house to see why we were late every single day, not that our phone actually worked. While he was ignoring us he also ignored the bills, laundry, and the household tasks. Who do you think picked up that slack?? I did.. I made sure our laundry was done and the house was descent and the bills... I didnt do but when the electricity turned off, he noticed because his computer wasnt working and when the hot water didnt work he finally paid that bill. We were a sad sight, but I tried to be the best big sister I could. I was in the end of 6th grade when I first smoked some weed and was hooked for about 5 years straight and I had my first taste of hard liquor in 7th grade and was hooked for 3 years. I would come home wasted, way past curfew and no one noticed. After about 3 and a half years I got tired of being the mother, I came home one day and my father started yelling at me for reasons I do not remember. He got up in my face, I was used to this he did it almost regularly, but this time it was different. He pushed me to the ground and punched me in my chest yelling at the top of his lungs then he got up and started kicking me in my stomach and calling me the horrible names. This was it for me, when he walked away I got up, wiped the years from my face and went to my room locked my door and started packing. My sister and brother came inside from playing and found me with my bags packed and was asking what happend. I told them I was so sorry that I couldnt do this anymore and left them there. I got on the bus with my backpack and pillow and broke down thinking why did he do this to me. He never layed a hand on my siblings only on me.
To this day I wonder and I havent been able to look at him the same. I have no relationship with him and I never will, nor will my son.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Day One
Well.. today I'm starting this blog as a dedication to my son and to myself. I've started this 3 years too late but hey there isn't any expiration. To catch you all up on where this all starts I'll explain a little about myself and what the content of this blog may be.
Myself
I'm a city girl, born and raised in Chicago, IL. Although my childhood was happy for the most part there are somethings that would have been nice not to happen or that I could just forget. Furthermore I'm part Ecuadorian and part German so there is a lot of culture I have yet to discover. I just turned 23 this year and I'm freaking out how time passes so fast when you are older, seems like just last year I was still in High School enjoying my youth. Now I'm a stressed out, depressed single mother of a child who has Down Syndrome (did you catch that? Part of why I'm blogging). When I found out, at the age of 19, I was pregnant it was sort of no surprise. I was young, stupid and wanted the love of someone. Well it didn't turn out to be love he didn't want to have anything to do with my roller coaster of emotions and thought it was best to just stay away till the baby comes. Little did he know how much more crazy I could have gotten. So... when my little monkey boy came into this world everything seemed much scarier. How was I supposed to trust all these people with the littlest thing in the world that meant everything to me???? I then came to the conclusion if baby daddy didn't want to deal with my emotions then why would he now? I began to fear him, like he was going to hurt me and our child. It was then I realized it was going to be just me and the little monkey boy. But I'm getting ahead of myself. In the beginning I thought it was all going to work itself out like any other mother to be and teen. I was always so excited about having a child, everything that I dreamed of was coming true except for the whole happy family thing. The stress of the baby daddy not having a job and dropped out of college was killing me. I was working full time and didn't have much college schooling or a plan. I did save like there was no tomorrow. Living at my parent's house though wasn't ideal. Before this whole pregnancy thing I was planning on moving to Georgia and going to school there.. well that didn't happen. I'm still living with my parents and to much of a surprise things are getting better.
Details of this story will be revealed as I go along and more interesting topics will be presented. For now the little monkey will be getting out of his 3rd day of Preschool soon and I still have household responsibilities to work on.
Myself
I'm a city girl, born and raised in Chicago, IL. Although my childhood was happy for the most part there are somethings that would have been nice not to happen or that I could just forget. Furthermore I'm part Ecuadorian and part German so there is a lot of culture I have yet to discover. I just turned 23 this year and I'm freaking out how time passes so fast when you are older, seems like just last year I was still in High School enjoying my youth. Now I'm a stressed out, depressed single mother of a child who has Down Syndrome (did you catch that? Part of why I'm blogging). When I found out, at the age of 19, I was pregnant it was sort of no surprise. I was young, stupid and wanted the love of someone. Well it didn't turn out to be love he didn't want to have anything to do with my roller coaster of emotions and thought it was best to just stay away till the baby comes. Little did he know how much more crazy I could have gotten. So... when my little monkey boy came into this world everything seemed much scarier. How was I supposed to trust all these people with the littlest thing in the world that meant everything to me???? I then came to the conclusion if baby daddy didn't want to deal with my emotions then why would he now? I began to fear him, like he was going to hurt me and our child. It was then I realized it was going to be just me and the little monkey boy. But I'm getting ahead of myself. In the beginning I thought it was all going to work itself out like any other mother to be and teen. I was always so excited about having a child, everything that I dreamed of was coming true except for the whole happy family thing. The stress of the baby daddy not having a job and dropped out of college was killing me. I was working full time and didn't have much college schooling or a plan. I did save like there was no tomorrow. Living at my parent's house though wasn't ideal. Before this whole pregnancy thing I was planning on moving to Georgia and going to school there.. well that didn't happen. I'm still living with my parents and to much of a surprise things are getting better.
Details of this story will be revealed as I go along and more interesting topics will be presented. For now the little monkey will be getting out of his 3rd day of Preschool soon and I still have household responsibilities to work on.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)